I look in the mirror, and this is what I see. A 54 tall 15 year old with long hair that just touches my shoulders. Its light brown, with blonde streaks added in. It needs to be done again, the streaks start at least 3 inches down now...My eyes are brown, but they look golden sometimes, well, at least I like to think they do. To anyone else they
probably look normal murky brown.
Im in a depressed and bitchy mood, and my clothes match it today. They say: Im not in the mood for your crap today, and dont even think about asking about mine! For I am wearing soft leather black boots with a high heal, long black soft leather pants, a light blue top with short sleeves, which has the witches STAR symbol on the front in tiny silver fake jewels. And just to add to it, Im wearing my long soft black leather jacket that comes down to about my knees.
I sit down and sigh...nothing is going right for me for the past few days...no...make that past few weeks...or months...even a year...In the past year Ive been dumped 3 times, my kitten and my 5 year old faithful dog have been killed, (Note: they were killed, they didnt pass away, fall ill of a disease or even get run over...they were killed) my best friends have back-stabbed me several times in just one week (Note: then I gave up on them and titled myself a lone-wolf, which means, in other words that I hang out by myself and use myself as company, which is far better because I usually get to choose what I do at recess and lunch times now...) and because of all the emotional stress Im under, my grades have dropped heaps in school, and I dont understand a thing in anything besides English, Creative Writing and Drama, which are my best subjects.
My name is Estralita, which means star is Spanish, even though none of my family at all is even Spanish...when Anastasia, my mum found out she was going to be a mother, she just went to the library and got out all these dictionaries of other languages and chose Estralita for me since her nickname is Starsi, and she wanted me to carry on her memory forever... As if thatll happen. Give me one chance to wipe out my family and Ill take it. Im not saying I hate my family...I have a younger sister, (aged 6) named Eleora, which in Hebrew means The lord is my light even though we are not Hebrew at all, and we certainly dont even go to church, so we defiantly dont bow down to him or something...my mother (Note: Who I call Anastasia all the time, even though she hates it and wants me to call her mum or even mummy! At the age of 15, I think not) has always been a bit dreamy or not quite with it at some times...shes a hippie, a new-age witch, lost in the wild scary world of the year 2001. My father...hes kinda out of the picture. I mean, he goes to work, he comes home, but hes not a big part in my life really...so he doesnt bother me. He gives me money and doesnt mind how long I spend on the net or how long I am on the phone for and always give me heaps of money whenever I want because he wants to please me. My brother...now hes the only reason I stay here with my family, even though they are always nice to me and we never fight. His name is Edan, and his name is Celtic/Gaelic, which again, has no connection to my families heritage, and his name means fire, hes 18, very nearly 19.
I also have another sister...but she now only exists in my memories....she was my twin once...Keaira...meaning little dark one in something we dont know...but...she died...we
were five years old and were playing hopscotch in the street. I hardly remember this, buta car suddenly came into view, and swerved so it wouldnt hit me, and it got Keaira instead......
I stand up and take my blue side bag off the chair next to my bed, and walk out the door to the bathroom where I quickly apply lip gloss and outline my eyes in black, just to give my long lashed eyes a glaring look so I dont have to work so hard today. Im just not in the mood for anything or anyone. I wish so much Keaira was still alive, it would be fantastic to have a girl my age in the family...
But anyway...I never think about that, so Im changing the subject now again...I walk downstairs and Im the only one is the house, except for my brother. My father is already at work, and Stac, my mother as I call her has taken Eleora to school.
Hey Estra. Off to school? Edan asks me as he gives me a bowl with chicken and noodles for breakfast. Weird, I know, but its our favourite food.
I nod silently and wind some noodles around my fork and spear a piece of chicken before eating it all in one gulp, just to see if I can physically. I manage to do it, but decide to have a can of wild berry juice just in case.
Youre going like that? he asks, pointing with a free finger as he holds a cup of hot chocolate.
Yeah, why do ya ask? I reply, switching my gaze over to him and I fix my eyes onto his blue ones coldly.
No reason, no reason...chill sis, dont get cold with me. Edan orders, smiling. I smile back although I dont feel like it and keep eating my breakfast silently.
Edan sensed I didnt want to talk, and he got up and walked out of the room. Were really close. Our family never really fights, we just keep to ourselves really.
I finished my breakfast and put it in the sink, and was just about to walk out the front door to go and catch the bus when Edan came back into the room and caught my arm.
Oi...sis. I got something for you... he said, holding something in his closed hand.
I raise my eyebrow at him. Yeah?
He took my hand and placed something small and silver in it, and closed my fingers over it again.
Its a ring...for you. But its not from me. Its from another guy, I aint tellin you who though. Edan grinned.
I looked at the ring, and then at him.
Who??? Tell me! I demanded.
Get to school Estra, youll miss your bus! Edan relied, and pushed me out the front door and closed it again, locking it so I didnt have any choice but to walk to the bus.
I always sit alone on the bus. No one ever sits next to me, they always stand up if the bus driver allows it, but some yell at them to sit down and only stand when all the seats
are full. I usually take the time to read or think depressed thoughts, but today I had
another thing on my mind. Who gave me the ring and why? I took it out of my pocket
where I had put it when I had to get my bus pass out. It was silver, and it didnt have
any jewels set into it. It had a swirly knot, and that was it. A delicate look, but also a
tough one as well. I slipped it onto my middle finger and it fit perfectly, which was kind
of scary, but then I realised since Edan knew who gave it to me, he had probably leant
him one of my other rings as well. It made me feel happier. Some guy out there thought
I was special enough to have money spent on. Then again, it could just be my brother
wanting to make me feel better and he had bought it himself, and said someone else
did...Id work it out when I got home.
a i a
I raised an eyebrow and nudged my long, blonde headed best friend Sarama.
Check out Estralita...whats with her today? Always sad and sorry for herself, but not
today, shes walking with a bounce in her step and a grin and everything, despite the
vampire wannabe outfit... I said.
Oh Deiva...give her a rest. Youre so obsessed with her life! I mean, sure, shes
different, but shes not that interesting... Sarama sighed, her green eyes agitated.
I shrugged but kept my eyes on Estralita as she admired something on her hand. For a
second I thought she was looking at the witches star symbol that she had tattooed on her
hand. Shes 15, and she already has 3 tattoos! Her family is so weird, Ill tell you that
now. The sun glittered off something on her hand. Ahhh...she had a new ring....I added
this information into my head.
Deiva..... Sarama said in a warning voice. I know it annoys her a hell of a lot when I
watch Estra and try to figure out her life, but I dont care, she always forgive me when we
go and check out the guys playing basket ball before school over the road on the
Oh fine... I pouted, and the two of us walked out of the school grounds, even though
its against the rules to watch the cute college guys play basketball.
a i a
She arrived off the bus and I watched her the whole time. From when she walked down
those steps until she walked into the school building where I wouldnt follow because itd
be to suspicious. I brushed my black hair out of my blue eyes and turned around to play
basketball with my friends on the courts. I noticed a blonde headed chick and a black
headed chick walk up from Estras school to watch us, and I winked at one of them
before continuing to play.
a i a
I go straight to the canteen and buy some bubble-gum. It adds to the tough look. I pull
a silver pen out of my bag and sit down on the stairs to draw around the witches star
symbol on my hand. I love that tattoo. I also have another of a flame on my back near
my shoulder and also one of another witches symbol that has a name in another
language that cant spell thats on my stomach to the side, but it just is a picture of a
moon with a dark but golden shadow over it. I love tattoos. They all mean something to
me. The fire stands for my brother Edan, his name meaning fire. The witches star
symbol stands for both my name, which remember, means star, and also since my
mothers a witch. The moon stands for my lil sis Eleora, because her name means the
moon which is golden because of her she has the longest name meaning out of all of
us, so she gets the best tattoo. Im getting another soon, for Keaira, but I dont know
what would be best for little dark one... I stopped drawing on my hand and leant
against the walls of the stairs to think what would be best for Keaira...
a i a
I wrote her a long letter on the computer so she wouldnt trace my writing. I sealed it in
an ordinary yellow envelope and stuck it down with glue, and then I got a friend to chuck
it in her lap as they walked past. I hoped my plan worked...it just had to...
a i a
Sarama nudged me sharply with her elbow, making me turn around to her. My
unconcerned blue eyes meeting her agitated green long lashed ones.
What??? I asked.
Give. It. Up. With. Her. She snapped.
Why? Shes got a thick envelope and shes reading it, acting more excited then Ive seen
her for the past year! This is interesting! I said, keeping my voice low as I continued
watching Estra read excitedly.
I could tell that Sara had rolled her eyes.
Whatever... She said, and started writing over the school diary with a black pen. I
think she feels left out or ignored or hurt that I find a girl-who-I-havent-even-talked-tos
life more interesting then I find my best friends. Thats just because I already know
everything about her life. When I grow up Im going to be a private detective and Ive got
to learn to be able to pick up and understand things about another person just by
watching or studying them.
My thoughts snapped back to Estra and I saw her reading her the sheets of paper that
look like a letter from the envelope.
Im going to get that envelope and find out whats inside... I decided suddenly, turning
to Sarama to see her reaction.
She rolled her eyes again.
God, the way you act anyone would think youre bisexual or something. She muttered.
a i a
I was just innocently sitting on the steps drawing on my hand when a yellow envelope,
about A4 size landing directly in my lap, just as the bell rang. I quickly put it in my bag
as everyone started hurrying down or up the stairs, because otherwise Id probably drop
it. When I finally got into homeroom I took my normal seat and immediately took out
the envelope and opened it.
First line was: Hey Babe, sup? Like your new ring? I hope you do. I hope it makes you
feel as special as I know you are.
I closed my eyes and opened them again, and looked at the page once more to see if it
was real or not. I could not believe it!!!!! Did this mean I had a Secret Admirer? I took in
a deep breath quickly and counted the pages. Whoaaaa....17 pages of full typing. It
looked like a very long letter, just for me!!! I started reading and didnt even notice when
the teacher had to call my name three times before she gave up and marked me down on
the role without bothering to discipline me.
a i a
I relaxed into a soft armchair in the lounge room with a green cordial and another bowl
of chicken and noodles for lunch. Yeah, I know its my second today, and I also know Ill
have another when Estra gets home. Us two are close. We have to be really. Our lil sis
Eleora is only six years old so she usually spends her time with mum. Estra calls mum
by her first name Anastasia, just to do the opposite of what mum wants. I think its
funny, but I cant be bothered to stop myself every time I talk to mum, think over what I
have to say, then call her Anastasia. Its to much work for me. I flick on the CD player,
and to my irritation Estras CD of Les Miserables the musical comes on, but since Im to
lazy/comfortable to get up and change it, I stay in my chair and just listen while I eat
and drink and think about Estra and my friend who is...interested about her...Hes a
pretty good guy, and he really likes her, I dont think hed ever take advantage of her or
hurt her. He really cares about her and he was really upset when he saw the fight she got
in at school with some of the old bitchy girls she used to hang out with. I never liked
them, I feel sorry for Estra though, she has no friends, but she seems to actually like it
that way...I only have a few friends. Three main ones. Danny, Dominic and his girlfriend
Autumn, and then I have a few others wholl come out clubbing or whatever. I think
friends are more important to girls though, they always need companionship when they
want to do something, or they need a friend to ask out a guy if theyre to shame to.
By now Ive finished my lunch and also my drink, so Im just sitting there half listening
to the musical and thinking so much my head hurts. I close my eyes and stop thinking,
and quickly fall asleep, and Ill stay like that until mum comes home from lil kids school
a i a
I got home from school quickly since I didnt stay back with some friends to go
skateboarding or roller blading. As soon as I got home, I dumped my bag and went
straight on the net to see if the e-mail Edan promised to send me was in my inbox. And
it was. Edans very helpful to me with my little scheme. I dont exactly know what to do
yet though. I can either ask Estra to the school formal at the end of the year, or stay the
scardy cat I am and stay arms length away, sending her letters and notes forever
more...I twist slowly on my computer chair as I think about it. I want to meet her...but
Im scared about what shell say...maybe Ill just keep quiet but close to her and see
what her reaction is...
I walk over to my bed and lay down, closing my eyes for a nap, and think about how
wonderful it would be to go to the formal with her...
a i a
Saramas already gone home. I follow Estra on her walk home, since my house is a few
streets behind her house, further away from school. She has a nice house. As she walks
over the front lawn I see her little sister Eleora run out the door and wrap her little arms
around Estras legs. Her mother with her normal dazed smile and colourful swishy dress
follows her out to great her daughter as Estra picks her up. Finally her brother emerges
last with a grin and hands Estra a bowl of afternoon tea, the familys favourite chicken
and noodles. I sigh as they all walk inside. It must be nice to have a family whos that
close. Not that my families bad or anything...I just get overshadowed by my older
siblings...but Im special too. Dad and mum are always telling me that Im a very lucky
a i a
After dinner I went upstairs to my bedroom again. How can so many things have
changed in one day? I wake up, feeling rebellious, and go to sleep, feeling carefree and
I take the envelope out of my bag and put it on my clean desk next to my computer.
Theres a knock at my door and Edan comes in, smiling as he always is. Its okay for
some. He has friends and doesnt have school.
He takes my hand and looks at the silver knotted ring.
Who gave it to me? I ask him.
Well, I gave it to you. I didnt buy it and its not from me though. He says in a teasing
Edannn...tell me! I demand.
He just grins while I pout.
Im sorry sis, Im not allowed to tell ya. Youll find out eventually though. He grins and
looks around my room.
Now...what did I come in here for again? he wonders out loud.
I raise my eyebrows and sit down on the bed as I wait for an answer.
Oh yeah, Dominic and Autumn are coming over tonight, were having a kinda party, only
the three of us though. Do ya wanna come and hang with us tonight? Because if you do,
tell me what ya want to drink and eat now and help me shop. Edan offered me.
I thought about it for a second.
How long for? I asked.
The whole night, mum and dad are going to Aunt Frishias for her 50th and theyre
taking Eleora with them since they wont be back for 3 days. And I have to baby sit you.
Edan said, sitting next to me and putting his arm around me.
I shoved him away and stuck my tongue out at him. Ill be the one looking after you
after youre had a few beers. I retorted.
Well want to join me in a quick joy ride to the shop to pick up some stuff? Mum and dad
have already left. he said, getting up.
Sure, Ill join in. Autumn and Dominic are cool. At least they talk to me. I said.
I think Ill give Danny a ring as well... Edan said, giving me a hinting look as he walked
I blushed. Ive kinda.....always liked Danny a bit. Hes tall with dark brown skin, with
green eyes and short blonde hair, and hes always really nice to me.
I followed him out, and he was waiting by the door for me. As we drove there, he rang
Danny up and invited him as well.
I have one thing to say.
EDAN DRIVES LIKE A MANIAC!
a i a
I hate shopping.
Everyones pushing and moving around so fast, pushing their shopping trolleys and
baskets against everyone. I dont see the point! I like to take my time when I go
shopping. Otherwise I forget things.
Estra walks a bit behind me by my side, she keeps on looking at her new ring. Its the
fifth ring she wears all the time now. She has one with blue and green beads that
represents the sea, a plain black one, a silver one that has her name engraved on it and
a gold one with red rubies in the shape of stars.
People give my sister weird looks as she walks past. Shes so used to it now though she
doesnt even notice, she only does if some little brat yells Look mummy! that girl has
drawings all over her!
Estra asks for it a bit though. She likes teasing the public. For example, right now shes
wearing jeans and a light blue spaghetti strap short top so that everyone can see her
flame tattoo on her back and the golden shadow moon tattoo thingy on her stomach, and
of course people can always see the one on her hand. I think my sister is so special.
Shes not afraid to be herself and shes made herself what she is, with all her tattoos and
the way she wears her hair sometimes.
I picked up some chips, and bottles of coke.
Hey Estra, what do you want to drink? I asked.
Rum and coke? She asked hopefully. Thats her favourite drink.
Yeah, sure, why not. What mum and dad dont know cant hurt them. I laughed.
Estra grinned happily and ignored the mutterings of two grownups behind us muttering
about what young girls did to their bodies these days.
We grabbed some chicken nuggets and other hot food and other things, and then we
went into the alcohol part. I got some beer and rum and Drambuie, my favourite drink.
As surprised as I was, we got out of there alive and got home safely, despite my wild
driving. Even if Estra says Ill be in a car crash one day, it still makes it more existing
a i a
When we got home I put some sausage rolls, chicken chippies and plain chips in the
oven. I think this would be the first party I went to that started at 11pm.
The doorbell rings and I go to the front door.
Hi Estra. How ya goin? Autumn asked, smiling at me.
Im okay, come on in. Edans in his room I think... I said.
YEA! GETTING DRESSED! He yelled back from upstairs.
Autumn and Dominic both laughed.
YOU TWO CAN GO UP THERE IF YA LIKE! Estra yelled up the stairs.
ESTRA! HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT YOUR COKE AND RUM???
I rolled my eyes.
You guys want a drink or something? I asked.
Yea, sure. Dominic answered.
I got them both a beer and the three of us sat in the rec. room waiting for Edan to stop
mucking around with his hair (he has a major obsession with it) with gel.
The doorbell rang again and I looked at the stairs to see if Edan was going to answer it.
He wasnt. And I sighed.
Dominic and Autumn laughed.
Hes a slave-driver isnt he? Dominic laughed.
Yea, although he pays me $40 to clean his room I answered as I got up to answer the door.
It was Danny.
Hi Estralita. he greeted, as always putting on an accent as he said my name teasingly.
Hey Danny, cmon in. Want a beer or something? I asked.